Student Wellbeing
By Mrs Jenny Gillespie
Friendships at School
Every day at school is a social experience of some kind and for all young people, as friendships matter. Some highly social young people will have lots of friends whereas most others will have far fewer friends.
Regardless, friendships can be a source of great joy for young people but also create angst and confusion when friendships sour or change. Young people can feel upset and wonder what they have done wrong or become confused about the ‘number’ or ‘sorts’ of friends they ‘should’ have.
We all experience some degree of pressure to conform to the behaviours and norms of our social groups, yet this pressure is heightened in adolescence as kids try to figure who they are and where they fit in the world. Peer pressure can make young people feel reliant on the approval of others and distressed/worried when this approval is not forthcoming.
Parents can help by:
- Encouraging more than one set of friends
It’s helpful to think of friendships as a series of concentric circles. Most young people will have a few close friends in their inner circle but are surrounded by many friends in the outer circles.
- Normalising friendship changes
High school friendships almost always change over time. Sometimes these changes will occur quite quickly or it may be a more gradual process. Understanding this boosts resilience over time.
- When you disapprove
Sometimes parents disapprove of their young person’s choice of friends, because of behaviour, poor reputation or the adverse influence they may have on a young person. Young people will likely take criticism of their friends personally so be careful how you handle these issues.
- Differentiate between online and offline friends
In all likelihood, your young person will communicate with their friends in real time and through digital technology. Junior high school students in particular, may need reminding of the differences between the two, discussing how behaviours and norms vary between the real world and online.